the only domestic instinct my parents have managed to pass on to me is the tendency to hoard multiple plastic bags in another plastic bag despite the fact that I will probably never need this many plastic bags in my adult life
dat booty tho
honestly my dad is such a freak he never says goodnight like a normal person he just says “i’ll be back” and he goes upstairs and when you ask where he is or go looking for him hes asleep and the next morning when you see him he just says “good morning im back’ like what is wrong with him
"i understand women have it bad but men have it bad too"
"i mean, women are almost equal to men as it is"
"i’m not a feminist, i believe in equality"
handwritten post: 20
I want a regular family sitcom with cheap jokes and laughing tracks, which gradually get more and more disturbing until it turns to a psychological horror film with the laughing tracks still going
“‘Pirates of the Caribbean 5’ sets course for 2017 release”
Do you think every president goes through a awkward first few weeks in office when they’re not sure when’s the right time to ask if aliens are real or not?
All of the incredibles represent a disorder:
Violet - anxiety
Dash - ADHD
Mr Incredible - too strong
Mother Incredible - ???
Baby - exploding child
When she quotes your answer to her question word from word she knows
checking your phone in the middle of the night
we’ve all got that weird pretty big secret that we don’t really hide but like we don’t flaunt it like “My brother died of cancer” or “I’m gay” or “I tried to kill myself last year” or anything really and when you find out somebody’s big plot twist you know you’re in this friendship for the long run